THE BOSCOVANIA NEWS AND FUNK REPORT
Issue #6: July 1, 1431
Editor in Chief: Bosco Smokey, president of Boscovania Fine Smokeables
ITEM: DOOM! DOOM! DOOM!
Dengwur has returned! Damnation and Doom face us all. Rabid enemies of mankind have used the Scepter of Castor to reincarnate the destroyer of all that is decent. He was reclaimed his throne in his dread tower and called forth a summons to all vassals to come and pay him homage. The Therks, Death Troopers, Savages, Cult of 1000 Devils and the countless goblin hordes are flocking to his banner. DOOM!
ITEM: TOWER GRAF CHANGES HANDS
The mysterious master of Tower Graf is slain. So reports the sole surviving half-elf mercenary who escaped the attack. He claims that a combination army of Giants and Dwarves fell from the sky and sacked the tower. It has been claimed that the notorious kidnapper, murderer, priest-slayer and bank robber Rotwang led the assault and is the new lord of the tower, but witnesses say the new lord doesn’t look like Rotwang at all, rather a smaller, less beefy fellow. It is the opinion of this editor that this is some minion of Dengwur’s claiming the tower for his dark master.
ITEM: WARRANT ISSUED FOR A WIZARD
The magistrate’s court of Orchester has issued a warrant for the arrest of local some-times resident Tiberio on a charge of grand theft magic for the theft of a magic scroll. The complaint was signed by Stanwick Cheesemaker, a wizard of the school of Mulfando in good standing, with corroborating testimony by a certain Vaguely Ill-smelling Jack.
ITEM: ROBBERS ROBBED THEMSELVES
The headquarters of the noted band of brigands known as “The Skull Collectors” in the vicinity of Skull Mountain was plundered recently. 4 of the mercenaries guarding the place were reported to have been overheard at Peaches’ saying that when their bosses were away cloaked enemies burst in and looted Skull Manor. They were most interested in hauling off the collection of carcasses, most especially the body of Spunky the Cyclops, for whom they had a large wagon prepared.
ITEM: MEET THE NEW BOSS
The population of Yoeville (Villa Jovis), formerly Bastardville, is reported to be just as dissatisfied with their new pagan master Pontifex Amicus as they had been under Lucius Bastardo. Was this change part of Dengwur’s return as well? Bor forfend their evil schemes.
Advertisement: Afraid of Dengwur: send 10sp to Nigel Mysterio, at the Mysterious Tower (south of Portchester, along the river) for a “Charm of Evil Protection”, return for full refund if you are destroyed by Dengwur.