Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Decius' Journal

An Excerpt from Decius the Forgetful's Personal Journal

I'm no longer able to make contact with my sister here in Portchester. It appears that she has gone to ground and cut her ties with all the old familiar faces. We are both now wanted for the murder of Captain Stanwick, one of the Sword King's stalwart Housecarls and our liaison to the in the city guard. I have no recollection of the murder other than the note written in my own handwriting that reads "Get to the Skull Collectors for Octavia" with smears of blood on it. Could I have been the murderer of Stanwick? I recall him being very kind and thoughtful to me. At least before the accident that robbed me of my memory. Why do I not trust King Osmund? Why would the Sceptre King slay one of the sword kings' finest? I have a notion that perhaps King Thurbrand's cousin Baldwulf the Atheling and his sister Athalwyn are wrapped up in the plot. I must find their whereabouts to get more information! Meanwhile, my plan is to once again track down these mighty "Skull Collectors" and lay low until the warrant for my arrest in Portchester is forgotten.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Boscovania News and Funk Report #3

Issue #3: April 17th, 1430
Editor in Chief: Bosco Smokey, president of Boscovania Fine Smokeables


The reports from Bastardville indicate that a party of Bastardville thugs had gone to compel the Wizard Presfen, who was said to be dwelling in the mysterious Skull Mountain, to pay tribute to the mighty Bastardo. Lieutenant Murkley was in charge of the expedition of 60 men. Murkley was lured into Presfen's lair by the correct code-signals but then was ambushed, enchanted and murdered by Presfen and his henchmen. The expedition then re-grouped in the wilds for several days and the new leader, Wilbur Pudding, sent an experienced sneak-thief named Rex Moondog to scout out the wizard's lair. Moondog reported back that the wizard had apparently packed up and moved out, leaving only a handful of wounded men behind—probably to die as monster chow. Incidentally, contrary to previous rumors, it appears that Presfen is an elf enchanter and not an Ardean from Aetia.

At the April Radish-Jubilee, King Osmund, the Scepter King, made an unexpected public oration to King Thurbrand the Sword King to begin preparing armaments for a war with the Old Ones. Thurbrand replied that it was the Hildric Familiy policy to maintain the Truce with the Old Ones as long as possible, as the previous wars with those genocidal maniacs were costly in lives and treasure far out of proportion to the gains involved. He also responded that BOR seems to agree since HE chooses the Hildric line for Sword-King year after year. Despite visible distress, the Lord Bishop of Portchester refused to comment one way or the other. It was an event of bad feeling and rancor which positively ruined the Radish-Jubilee this year.

An anonymous donor has paid for the construction of a two-story stone hostel and chapel on the border of the Kingdom of Portchester along the Badlands Trail. It has been named “THE CHAPEL OF THE APOCALYPSE” and is open for the rest of travelers, and for the prayers and meditation of all worthies of the area. The Bishop has appointed a lay-brother to care for the place for now.

An elf enchanter (could it be Presfen?) and his lovely assistant returned the kidnapped twins Eddie and Teddie to the grateful father Thane Osbert. The enchanter related that the boys were kidnapped by bandits (could it have been Murkley?) and he had liberated them. The boys jabbered on and on about an ugly dwarf and a dragon-man saving them, and how the wizard had been in jail with them for days before the rescue. Regardless of the details, Osbert richly rewarded the deliverer of his sons.

Advertisement: If sleeping in a cold chapel, tended by one loser monk doesn't float your boat, skip the Chapel and the Trail, and take the River to Peaches'. Peaches'---it's Sweet as Can Be!

Friday, October 18, 2013


Andrew and Dave have registered for Fall-In.   We're going to go to a seminar on making Salt-Dough terrain, and playing in a game called "Gangs of Ancient Rome".  If anyone has a change of plans before Nov 16, and can indeed go, you can online pre-register up to the 25 of October, or sign in at the door.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Fall In

I am indeed intending on going to Fall-In on Saturday November 16th for the day.  I've been asking around, and it is possible to show up for the day and register then "but you might not get into a game you want."   I know some of you are interested in coming too, so I don't want to pre-register myself without all of us doing it.

Should we just take our chances and register in person in November, or should we get together sometime this week for an hour and all register online and perhaps do a thing or two together (some or all of us who are going)?  We can pre-register up until October 25.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Gamer movie review: Hammer of the Gods

So I saw a snazzy trailer for this movie some time ago, and thought to myself, 'Eh, why not?' And that's what I got, meh. I've noticed a very minor recurring theme amongst several well-made, direct to video movies. The rehashing older classic movies by putting them in different time periods. Not exactly a new trend in hollywood (Magnificent Seven is a decent flick on it's own, and it's a remake of the fantastic Seven Samurai). I mention all this because it took me about five minutes to figure out that this low-budget, direct to video movie is a viking version of Apocalypse Now

Basically, a viking king is dying after a lop-sided battle against saxons. His two sons (one apparently a fighter and the other a 'dandy') are not judged worthy to be his successor, so they are sent into the dangerous interior of Britain to recall their older, more capable brother from exile (if the reason he was exiled was explained, I sure as heck didn't catch it).

Now I don't exactly expect a lot from a movie of this sort. Cheesy acting, sure. Bad special effects, indeed. Silly plots, expected. But what I cannot stand in a viking movie is half-assed fighting. It should be balls to the walls at all times. I imagine that, from a realistic standpoint, there would be times when you gently tap your sword on the shoulder of your enemy. But to have it one time produce a geyser of blood, and the next it be like a scratching an itch is just sloppy.

It's not a bad movie, it's not a good movie. There's plenty of almost-decent fighting and slightly less than the proper amount of blood. There's an almost decent action sequence with a berserker fighting opponent after opponent that reminded me of the fight in the movie Kingdom of Heaven (the one where the soldiers are fighting the crusaders, and that totally metal german knight fights with the arrow through his throat). Is Hammer of the Gods worth watching? I'm going to say it's not worth watching, but it is watchable. If it happens to be on, check it out. Certainly not worth taking up shelf space with a DVD.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Site Illustrations

Here's the second awesome illustration for the Lords of Hack Website. This one is even better than the kick-flipping bishop IMHO.

Color Scheme

I've witnessed the colors of our blog going nuts again. At first I thought it was my mobile blogging app, but I'm pretty sure that Blogger just hates us. In the interest of being able to see all posts, and in response to Dave's light background preference, I've switched this blog back to a more neutral/bright look. Enjoy!

Saturday, October 5, 2013


Issue #2:  April 2nd,  1430
Editor in Chief:  Bosco Smokey, president of Boscovania Fine Smokeables


ITEM: Don't Go to Spunky's—-from the Journal of Amazing Steve

I had joined a party of adventurers attempting to enter Tower Graff and meet it's mysterious master. The guards yelled down to us and asked whether we had any elves with us. We responded “no”, and the guards told us to get lost. Our leader, Wulftharg the Awful was filled with rage and led us on a charge against the gatehouse. After being repulsed by fire, stone, and arrows, the remains of our party (Myself, a Lizard-man, and 2 pack haulers) fled to a nearby “inn.” It turns out the inn was owned by a Cyclops named Spunky. His business plan is to sell everything for 2gp, and buy everything for 1gp. However, he has a very strict “No Cheating” policy. His definition of “Cheating” is incredibly broad (basically anything that does not involve giving him 2gp is considered cheating). In the week or so we were holed-up there we saw him smash a group of orcs for sleeping outside, when he had an empty room, smash a wizard who tried to offer him a “present”, and tear apart a pair of bandits who sold him a wagon full of grain and hops but didn't buy anything. We lost contact with the Lizard-man and did mange to escape with out lives somehow. My suggestion is don't go to Spunky's.

ITEM: Deserters Sought after mysterious murder
Captain Stanwic, one of Thurbrand's Royal Housecarls, was mysteriously murdered in the city on March 20th. The chief suspects are Octavia and Decius, a brother and sister pair who were members of the the City Guard, and who have since deserted their posts and have not been seen at their homes.

ITEM: Barn Collapse Reveals Tunnel
A barn, belonging to Earl Roderick of River Shires. in the south eastern corner of the kingdom collapsed unexpectedly. A sinkhole underneath the barn led to a stone transit tunnel running east to west. It is by such tunnels that the Old Ones are known to move on their nefarious missions. Because no Old Ones were actually discovered, and the age of the tunnel is unknown, King Thurbrand has declared that no violation of the treaty with Urvoltz has occurred. King Osmund was overheard saying that he would have flooded the tunnel with soldiers and hanged anyone they met, but such is not the bailiwick of the Scepter King, and the Sword King must make such decisions.

Lord Lucius Bastardo has announced that the hamlet of Pickerville, destroyed in a rebellion 10 years ago against his majestic reign, has been re-founded. While originally a settlement of those scavengers who picked Ardean ruins for bricks, stones and artifacts, it will now be “collective farm” where settlers will work together to produce grain and vegetables for their fellow man in peace and harmony.

ITEM: Endorsement
Famous Chiurgeon Wilhelm the Competent declares that Bosco Brand Cigars are the most-filled with fine Smoky health-effects and he recommends them to all his patients!

Advertisement: If you had planned to visit Spunky's, but now have changed your mind, remember “Peaches'” is still the premier establishment for all your drinking, dining, dancing, resting and entertainment needs in the Badlands. Peaches'---it's Sweet as Can Be!