Saturday, October 5, 2013


Issue #2:  April 2nd,  1430
Editor in Chief:  Bosco Smokey, president of Boscovania Fine Smokeables


ITEM: Don't Go to Spunky's—-from the Journal of Amazing Steve

I had joined a party of adventurers attempting to enter Tower Graff and meet it's mysterious master. The guards yelled down to us and asked whether we had any elves with us. We responded “no”, and the guards told us to get lost. Our leader, Wulftharg the Awful was filled with rage and led us on a charge against the gatehouse. After being repulsed by fire, stone, and arrows, the remains of our party (Myself, a Lizard-man, and 2 pack haulers) fled to a nearby “inn.” It turns out the inn was owned by a Cyclops named Spunky. His business plan is to sell everything for 2gp, and buy everything for 1gp. However, he has a very strict “No Cheating” policy. His definition of “Cheating” is incredibly broad (basically anything that does not involve giving him 2gp is considered cheating). In the week or so we were holed-up there we saw him smash a group of orcs for sleeping outside, when he had an empty room, smash a wizard who tried to offer him a “present”, and tear apart a pair of bandits who sold him a wagon full of grain and hops but didn't buy anything. We lost contact with the Lizard-man and did mange to escape with out lives somehow. My suggestion is don't go to Spunky's.

ITEM: Deserters Sought after mysterious murder
Captain Stanwic, one of Thurbrand's Royal Housecarls, was mysteriously murdered in the city on March 20th. The chief suspects are Octavia and Decius, a brother and sister pair who were members of the the City Guard, and who have since deserted their posts and have not been seen at their homes.

ITEM: Barn Collapse Reveals Tunnel
A barn, belonging to Earl Roderick of River Shires. in the south eastern corner of the kingdom collapsed unexpectedly. A sinkhole underneath the barn led to a stone transit tunnel running east to west. It is by such tunnels that the Old Ones are known to move on their nefarious missions. Because no Old Ones were actually discovered, and the age of the tunnel is unknown, King Thurbrand has declared that no violation of the treaty with Urvoltz has occurred. King Osmund was overheard saying that he would have flooded the tunnel with soldiers and hanged anyone they met, but such is not the bailiwick of the Scepter King, and the Sword King must make such decisions.

Lord Lucius Bastardo has announced that the hamlet of Pickerville, destroyed in a rebellion 10 years ago against his majestic reign, has been re-founded. While originally a settlement of those scavengers who picked Ardean ruins for bricks, stones and artifacts, it will now be “collective farm” where settlers will work together to produce grain and vegetables for their fellow man in peace and harmony.

ITEM: Endorsement
Famous Chiurgeon Wilhelm the Competent declares that Bosco Brand Cigars are the most-filled with fine Smoky health-effects and he recommends them to all his patients!

Advertisement: If you had planned to visit Spunky's, but now have changed your mind, remember “Peaches'” is still the premier establishment for all your drinking, dining, dancing, resting and entertainment needs in the Badlands. Peaches'---it's Sweet as Can Be!


  1. Oh, poor Pickerville. I'm guessing that the workers on the collective farm will probably be of the chained together variety, and worked at the end of a whip, for the betterment of Bastardville.

  2. Regarding the barn collapse and tunnel discovery. Which of the two kings is related to our hostage Athalwyn? The sword king or the sceptre king? Also, when do they switch and/or get elected next?

    Are the Old Ones in cahoots with one of the royal families?

  3. Osmund is the Sceptre King, but has desperately wanted to be Sword King for the last dozen years, he is from the Osric line. Thurbrand is the Sword King and is the uncle of Baldwulf and Athalwyn, and is from the Hildric Line.

    The Sword-King Sceptre King assignment is made at the first of every year by the Bishop of Portchester who performs an Augury to make the will of Bor known.