Boscovania News and Funk Report #3

THE BOSCOVANIA NEWS AND FUNK REPORT

Issue #3: April 17th, 1430

Editor in Chief: Bosco Smokey, president of Boscovania Fine Smokeables

ITEM: WIZARD PRESFEN KILLS BANDIT MURKLEY AND THEN VANISHES!

The reports from Bastardville indicate that a party of Bastardville thugs had gone to compel the Wizard Presfen, who was said to be dwelling in the mysterious Skull Mountain, to pay tribute to the mighty Bastardo. Lieutenant Murkley was in charge of the expedition of 60 men. Murkley was lured into Presfen's lair by the correct code-signals but then was ambushed, enchanted and murdered by Presfen and his henchmen. The expedition then re-grouped in the wilds for several days and the new leader, Wilbur Pudding, sent an experienced sneak-thief named Rex Moondog to scout out the wizard's lair. Moondog reported back that the wizard had apparently packed up and moved out, leaving only a handful of wounded men behind—probably to die as monster chow. Incidentally, contrary to previous rumors, it appears that Presfen is an elf enchanter and not an Ardean from Aetia.

ITEM: IMPASSIONED PLEA FROM KING TO KING, RADISH-JUBILEE RUINED

At the April Radish-Jubilee, King Osmund, the Scepter King, made an unexpected public oration to King Thurbrand the Sword King to begin preparing armaments for a war with the Old Ones. Thurbrand replied that it was the Hildric Familiy policy to maintain the Truce with the Old Ones as long as possible, as the previous wars with those genocidal maniacs were costly in lives and treasure far out of proportion to the gains involved. He also responded that BOR seems to agree since HE chooses the Hildric line for Sword-King year after year. Despite visible distress, the Lord Bishop of Portchester refused to comment one way or the other. It was an event of bad feeling and rancor which positively ruined the Radish-Jubilee this year.

ITEM: AN ANONYMOUS GIFT FOR THE PIOUS TRAVELER

An anonymous donor has paid for the construction of a two-story stone hostel and chapel on the border of the Kingdom of Portchester along the Badlands Trail. It has been named “THE CHAPEL OF THE APOCALYPSE” and is open for the rest of travelers, and for the prayers and meditation of all worthies of the area. The Bishop has appointed a lay-brother to care for the place for now.

ITEM: OSBERTSON TWINS RESCUED

An elf enchanter (could it be Presfen?) and his lovely assistant returned the kidnapped twins Eddie and Teddie to the grateful father Thane Osbert. The enchanter related that the boys were kidnapped by bandits (could it have been Murkley?) and he had liberated them. The boys jabbered on and on about an ugly dwarf and a dragon-man saving them, and how the wizard had been in jail with them for days before the rescue. Regardless of the details, Osbert richly rewarded the deliverer of his sons.

Advertisement: If sleeping in a cold chapel, tended by one loser monk doesn't float your boat, skip the Chapel and the Trail, and take the River to Peaches'. Peaches'---it's Sweet as Can Be!