THE
BOSCOVANIA NEWS AND FUNK REPORT
Issue
#1: March 21st,
1430
Editor
in Chief: Bosco Smokey, president of Boscovania Fine Smokeables
ITEM:
Baldwulf the Atheling Is Slain; Athalwyn taken hostage
The
word is all around the kingdom and the northern Badlands that the
kidnappers who had taken Baldwulf the Atheling hostage murdered him
in front of Athalwyn, his sister, and then proceeded the kidnap her.
A surviving critically wounded bodyguard, named Froedigar, was a bit
fuzzy on the details, but it seems it was a dispute over the ransom
money. The crimes occurred at the beloved Frank’s Awesome Pies in
the dock district of Portchester city (a distributor of Bosco-brand
Smokeables). The kidnappers also murdered 2 church servants and
severely injured two others in addition to wounding Father Flavio of
the Dock’s Edge Parish, when they attempted to rescue Athalwyn from
their vile clutches.
ITEM:
Descriptions of the Killers
Patrons
at Frank’s Awesome Pies report that the killers include a Viking,
the ugliest dwarf in the world, a wizard and a loudly self-proclaimed
follower of Chuck Norris. The same Viking seems to have alone killed
the church workers and injured Father Flavio.
ITEM:
The Kings Make Statements
His
Majesty Osmund II, of the Osric Line, says that Baldwulf’s killer
must be brought to trial and face the fair and impartial justice
that only he can dispense.
His
Majesty Thurbrand, of the Hildric Line, says that he will pay a
princely reward for the return of his niece, and if the killers of
Baldric are found they should be taken at any cost.
ITEM:
Peaches is suspicious of strange visitors
The
preeminent innkeeper of Boscovania, the delightful Peaches, was
overheard saying that one group of travelers at the inn were very
suspicious. They kept a young woman shackled and head-bagged during
their arrival. Usually, folks wait until they get to their rooms to
do that sort of thing.
ITEM:
WIgred the Bounty Hunter is missing
Wigred
has missed an important meeting with the Earl of Southshires.
Perhaps he is hot on the trail of the killers already!
ITEM:
Grenda offers Ransom for Athalwyn
Grenda,
the Earl’s daughter, a childhood friend of Athalwyn, has offered to
pawn some of her jewels and pay up to 1500gp in ransom for Athalwyn,
despite her father’s objection.
ITEM:
Wanted: Miller the Torchboy
After
questioning the Earl of Southshire's guards, it appears that a
certain “Miller the Torchboy” was the one who delivered the
ransom demand for Baldwulf. King Thurbrand has offered a 200gp
reward for his arrest.
Advertisement:
Remember, for all your
Smokeable Needs in the Badlands, come to Boscovania Fine Smokeables,
next to Peaches' in Boscovania. First 5 customers with this paper,
get a free cigar. Bosco Brand is the BEST!
PDF copy of this Newspaper available here: Gatavia Newspapers and Journals
PDF copy of this Newspaper available here: Gatavia Newspapers and Journals
Oh this will end well.
ReplyDeleteWell, looks like Boscovania is semi-blown for us. We should scout out some of the other towns in the area as possible backups, in case the bounty hunters get a bit thick there. Also wouldn't hurt to do that just to have other markets to sell stuff in.
When I first posted the picture of the kidnapped princess, I thought it was funny. But, the more I see it, the more disturbing I find it.
ReplyDeleteShe looks like a prom queen.
ReplyDelete