Saturday, September 21, 2013

BOSCOVANIA NEWS AND FUNK REPORT: ISSUE #1





THE BOSCOVANIA NEWS AND FUNK REPORT
Issue #1: March 21st, 1430
Editor in Chief: Bosco Smokey, president of Boscovania Fine Smokeables
ITEM: Baldwulf the Atheling Is Slain; Athalwyn taken hostage
The word is all around the kingdom and the northern Badlands that the kidnappers who had taken Baldwulf the Atheling hostage murdered him in front of Athalwyn, his sister, and then proceeded the kidnap her. A surviving critically wounded bodyguard, named Froedigar, was a bit fuzzy on the details, but it seems it was a dispute over the ransom money. The crimes occurred at the beloved Frank’s Awesome Pies in the dock district of Portchester city (a distributor of Bosco-brand Smokeables). The kidnappers also murdered 2 church servants and severely injured two others in addition to wounding Father Flavio of the Dock’s Edge Parish, when they attempted to rescue Athalwyn from their vile clutches.
ITEM: Descriptions of the Killers
Patrons at Frank’s Awesome Pies report that the killers include a Viking, the ugliest dwarf in the world, a wizard and a loudly self-proclaimed follower of Chuck Norris. The same Viking seems to have alone killed the church workers and injured Father Flavio.
ITEM: The Kings Make Statements
His Majesty Osmund II, of the Osric Line, says that Baldwulf’s killer must be brought to trial and face the fair and impartial justice that only he can dispense.
His Majesty Thurbrand, of the Hildric Line, says that he will pay a princely reward for the return of his niece, and if the killers of Baldric are found they should be taken at any cost.
ITEM: Peaches is suspicious of strange visitors
The preeminent innkeeper of Boscovania, the delightful Peaches, was overheard saying that one group of travelers at the inn were very suspicious. They kept a young woman shackled and head-bagged during their arrival. Usually, folks wait until they get to their rooms to do that sort of thing.
ITEM: WIgred the Bounty Hunter is missing
Wigred has missed an important meeting with the Earl of Southshires. Perhaps he is hot on the trail of the killers already!
ITEM: Grenda offers Ransom for Athalwyn
Grenda, the Earl’s daughter, a childhood friend of Athalwyn, has offered to pawn some of her jewels and pay up to 1500gp in ransom for Athalwyn, despite her father’s objection.
ITEM: Wanted: Miller the Torchboy
After questioning the Earl of Southshire's guards, it appears that a certain “Miller the Torchboy” was the one who delivered the ransom demand for Baldwulf. King Thurbrand has offered a 200gp reward for his arrest.
Advertisement: Remember, for all your Smokeable Needs in the Badlands, come to Boscovania Fine Smokeables, next to Peaches' in Boscovania. First 5 customers with this paper, get a free cigar. Bosco Brand is the BEST!

PDF copy of this Newspaper available here:  Gatavia Newspapers and Journals

3 comments:

  1. Oh this will end well.

    Well, looks like Boscovania is semi-blown for us. We should scout out some of the other towns in the area as possible backups, in case the bounty hunters get a bit thick there. Also wouldn't hurt to do that just to have other markets to sell stuff in.

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  2. When I first posted the picture of the kidnapped princess, I thought it was funny. But, the more I see it, the more disturbing I find it.

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