BOSCOVANIA NEWS AND FUNK REPORT #4

THE BOSCOVANIA NEWS AND FUNK REPORT

Issue #4: June 13, 1430

Editor in Chief: Bosco Smokey, president of Boscovania Fine Smokeables

ITEM: FRIENDLY STEVE KILLED BY BANDITS

Friendly Steve, a well known centaur traveler and pine-cone trader was murdered on the Badlands Trail this month. According to his comrades, a group of 5 centaurs were passing along the trail when a strong party of bandits (perhaps from Bastardville, it is unclear) unleashed an unprovoked volley of crossbow bolts, killing Steve. The other centaurs fled, and when they visited Boscovania recently they were still inconsolable, weeping “You're kidding me, Why is life so hard?”

ITEM: SHAMANISTIC CULT ON THE RISE

The Bishop of Portchester is concerned that there has been an unexpected increase in preachers and magicians belonging to a cult worshipping a mysterious spirit known as “Grampius.” The shamans of this cult seem to be prone to becoming hermits and to encourage the abnegation of personal possessions. They are also known for demanding visible displays of faith in exchange for miraculous healing. The archdeacon of the dioceses is quoted as calling it “so much Druidic deviltry.”

ITEM: VANDALISM IN ORCHESTER

Early this month a brand new chapel and dojo of the Norrisite order was endowed by a certain Brother Punchy of the order within the walls of Orchester. Only days after the opening, the building was vandalized, painted with rude slogans, and robbed of its door and window fittings. It is believed by the authorities of the town that a rival order of mystics, known as the Segalians are behind the misbehavior.

ITEM: DAILY INSPIRATION: A READING FROM THE BOOK OF ZACHARIAS

“Lo, did Zacharias address the assembled multitudes: “Yea, verily I speak unto ye, for one who hath seen all sorts of people in this world, truly know that Crab People are the Worst Sort of People.” Zacharias, book 2, verse 23.

ITEM: STRANGERS OPEN THE ORCHESTER ROAD

A band of travelers killed one of the Giant Bandits who terrorized the northern road from Orchester toward the Therk country. The other two Giants kept clear for several weeks after their brother was killed, allowing several caravans to pass without the customary toll. Thanks, strangers. Thangers.

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